Alright Barack, when I gave you my support well over a year ago, I assumed you’d be able to handle these Republican fools with a swift shot of truth serum.  I know these polls are generally BS, but the media tone is clearly changing.  Right now you look like a sour puss.  Show those naysayers you know how to fight!

Commercial One: Sarah Palin’s New Book

“How many interviews did it take for you to get your job?  If your answer is ‘more than one,’ you should buy Sarah Palin’s new book: ‘How to convince someone you can be President in under two hours.’  In this fascinating page turner, Sarah Palin explains how she did the impossible: convince John McCain that she could be President of the United States after only one meeting.  Buy it now and you’ll receive Cindy McCain’s “How to steal another woman’s husband in a one night or less” absolutely free!

Commercial Two:The Meaning of Forgiveness

Let me tell you a story about Senator McCain’s amazing capacity to forgive.  In 2000, John McCain ran against George W Bush in the Republican primary.  John ran an amazing grassroots, issue based campaign.  His honesty was infectious as liberals and conservatives came together around his underdog candidacy.  Everything was looking great until, at the last minute, Bush’s campaign created a fictitious story about John having an illegitimate black baby.  Instead of getting upset like most Americans would about that malicious lie, John showed us all the true meaning of forgiveness.  Not only did he honorably serve President Bush in the Senate for the next 8 years, but he actually hired the same men who fabricated the illegitimate child story to run his next campaign for president.  John McCain’s stunning act of forgiveness is an inspiration to us all and one of the many reasons he is a true maverick”

Commercial Three: A Thank You Note to Small Town America

Dear America,

Thank you so much for the prosperity of the last few decades.  I know it must have been hard to see the factories shut down, the stores on main street close and the kids leave but you’re sacrifice has allowed America’s cities to become stronger.  To be honest, we were surprised you folks wanted less regulation in the financial services industry, allowing Wall Street to get rich by sending American money oversees.  We know it’s because you love free-market economics just like us.  We were also surprised when you decided to cut taxes for the wealthiest Americans because, if you haven’t noticed, nearly all of us live in coastal ‘blue’ states.  We were also surprised by the warmth of your small town hospitality when you welcomed our big city mayor and Fortunate 500 CEOs to your convention so they could tell you how grateful we, America’s urban elite, are for your hatred of us.

Keep the surprises (and the tax cuts) coming in 2008. Vote Republican.